From the beginning

We found out that Kyle was going to be leaving again June of this year at our annual Marine Corp family day. I guess that I was surprised that they would announce such information at this sort of event .... being that children are there and in my own opinion, I would have rather explained it all to our 4 year old myself. It was heart breaking to hear that news, I tried to hold my tears back but, just 1 month prior to this Kyle had finally asked me to marry him. I thought that moment would never creep up on me since it was already 6 years we'd been together!!:) Anyways, we had been planning a wedding for October of this year and we get this news, I felt that everything that had been built and secured since 2004 (when he came home the first timewas crashing down. Our wedding had to be completly recreated and finished in 6 weeks!!
From that day forth, time just flew by. We had a beautiful wedding and we've again built memories that we'll have close for the next year + of our lives.

Just this past Monday, we said goodbye. It was awful to pull those feelings back out of myself after I've buried them for so long. I never wanted to have to say goodbye to him again. Who does'? It broke my heart watching our 4 year old hug and kiss her father goodbye. This time around is really affecting her. There has been so many nights at dinner and before bed that she will say " Mommy it's to quite in here when dad's not home" and the list goes on .

Today is only day two that we've been away from eachother.
My heart aches, really it hurts to feel this way. I long already for his arms to wrap me up. I miss his smell and all the awful things he did that used to drive me crazy. He is my best friend and my world feels so empty without him here with me everyday. My count down is on !! 96 days until block leave!!
I'll start fresh next blog....

This is the first time that I've ever done anything like this but I thought it might be worth a try... maybe I can meet a few people that are "IN my shoes" and I'm positive that there is. I'm a married, mother of one and my husband is now, again, on his way for another tour in Iraq. The feelings that I have are so powerful it's difficult to know where I should ever begin. I've thought for awhile that I would be just better off sticking them into the journal that I have from the first time around but, my best friend told me today that I should do this. I guess the greatest thing I'm hoping to gain is getting to know other people that are going through this in their own lives wife, mother, sister, brother or daughter whatever it all may be.